he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
