I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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