WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
