Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
