He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
