i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
