You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
