so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
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I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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