I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
