i jhust puked up my retainher.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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