So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
