I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
