Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
