I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
my being single is dangerous.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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