just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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