Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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