i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
3 2 1 whiskey
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
