and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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