remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
