I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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