If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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