Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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