I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
