U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
