How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
did you just send me my own nude
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
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