Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i just made my gag reflex go away.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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