I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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