I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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