I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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