Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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