I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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