She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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