You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
