I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
