I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You made out with two different species that night
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize