Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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