Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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