Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
