Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
porn star boner night. come get it.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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