I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
