Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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