normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
