just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
