I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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