I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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