dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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