woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
