god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
