He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
he was CRYING into my vagina
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
