Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
