final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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