The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
