So drunk its hurt
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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