There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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