I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize