were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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