he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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