Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
