The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
