You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
