as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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