Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
