New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
