On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
