I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
