fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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