The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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