If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
